[Reprinted and Adapted from The Onion]
Including recent claims that it funded research that blamed obesity on a lack of exercise rather than bad dietary habits, the Coca-Cola Company is often accused of trying to hide or downplay the damaging effects of soft drink consumption. Here’s what consuming Coke does indeed towards the body:
- * Extreme sugar intake causes your body to produce a hurry of Quenchanoids and also the hormone Refreshatonin
- * Cognition is instantly affected, dramatically growing your need to ride within an open-top jeep by having an attractive and exuberant number of ethnically varied buddies
- * Heart launches audible whimper
- * Elevated bloodstream sugar levels send message towards the body that it's in the usa
- * You're legally dead for exactly 75 seconds
- * Alterations in cerebral fluid chemistry cause brain to right away form 20 rationalizations for that continuous consumption of empty calories
- * Aluminum can’s jagged edges destroy stomach lining
- * Enamel decay removes annoying teeth which were only getting into method of more awesome, refreshing Coke
- * Ugh, it’s better to not really mention what goes on towards the liver
- * Makes both hands pretty sticky if leaking
- * A serious elevation in mood has experience by Coke Boss Muhtar Kent after generating $5.5 million quarterly bonus
- * Cumulative unhealthy effects on our bodies stop consumers from being immortal and living forever because they otherwise might have done
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